I Cried For You
by LadyCedar
Summary: I laughed for you Rose, I fought for you, I smiled for you, I killed for you, you even got me, if only once, to dance for you. But most of all, though you'll never know, I cried for you. How the Doctor learns to cope with his loss. Spoliers for 'Doomsday'


The doctor deals with life without Rose so obviously spoiler warnings for 'Doomsday'.

This is looselybased on the song 'I cried for you' by Katie Melua although I have not actually included any of it down as lyrics. I just think that this is a really beautiful song and for a long time have thought that it was perfect for the Doctor and Rose's relationship.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own 'Doctor Who' or 'I cried for you.'

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I Cried For You

You are something else Rose Tyler. Something else entirely. I have never done so much for one person than I have for you. I was there for you when you needed a friend, I fought for you when you were in danger, I took chances for you and was happy for you, I killed for you, and I even, if only just once, danced for you. But most notably of all, and although you'll never know it, I cried for you.

A statue was erected just outside Torchwood Tower in remembrance of those that were lost that day. There was a memorial service too. I went there for you. Even though you're alive, you were lost that day as well. And besides, if was you that saved the day Rose, as always, it was you. You need remembering too. You had done so much for this planet, this universe, and now there was no one left to recognise all your efforts. I had to be there that day because for so long you had been the only one there for me, and now I was the only one left to mourn you.

The statue was a lot like you if now I think of it. It radiated so much power, so much love, and so much grief. It was modest yet completely overwhelming and no one there could deny its beauty. In that way it was a lot like you, my beautiful Rose.

It looked so magnificent there while the congregation around it bowed their heads in silent respect for the lost ones. And there it was, so silently it lay for everyone to see, the dull blue shade of the TARDIS beside it.

It made me chuckle. Even after all the things the planet had gone though recently, the cybermen and the daleks, the ghosts, the Christmas invasion, no one looked twice at the lonely police public call box. Surely people were learning to notice things that were out of the ordinary, or at least things that weren't there before. But no, as usual no one gave a backwards glance at the TARDIS. And that's when it struck me, so violently I felt I was going to pass out, that you were one of the very few people who had noticed the TARDIS, who took notice of the difference, and that, I suppose it's ok to say it now, I loved you. No, love you.

But no one noticed, they passed by the memorial without pausing to think of the pain of those around them. At this moment, and not for the first time, I concluded to myself that the human race consisted of barely evolved baboons who didn't care past what was on the telly that night and whether they were going to have ketchup on their chips or not. But then I remembered you and somehow no one else mattered because you were so special, such an anomaly from the rest of the human race, you cared.

I realised my hands were clenched into fists and slowly I let them uncoil. I remembered the way your hand would find its way so instinctively to mine. I fought back even more tears remembering the magic I would feel in your hands. The magic that always kept me going through our adventures. The hands that would drag me excitedly towards our next destination. You were wild sometimes. My wild Rose.

And that's when it happened, without a word or warning, the tears came and silently and I cried for you.

Then, just as in those childish Disney films you loved so much, the skies opened up and a sudden shower hit London. I remember thinking that the sky was crying for you too. And so I stood there in the rain, crying for all the times we had spent and for all the times we could now never spend, as my tears became lost in the downpour.

For a long time after that day I drifted hopelessly without you through out time and space, saving one planet one day, and watching another one be destroyed the next. But I never felt any of it sunk in. I kept on trying to tell myself that you weren't suited to my lifestyle, that this life was not for you, and that at least you weren't dead. But it was not enough so I remained a hopeless drifter.

But then once day I remembered something I had learned from you after each time you had run recklessly into any situation, regardless of the fact that that chances of survival were slim. That if there was a chance of hope, you should take it. And so I set out to try and find you. I knew it would only be enough for a goodbye, but it was better than nothing at all. A whisper of your beauty was better than the silence you had left.

And so I found a way to cross over into your world, a different world from which we had met, a world in which we would have our final goodbye. And what a goodbye it was Rose, I'll give you something, you certainly know how to do farewells. You told me you loved me and I just stood there smiling, I think I knew all along. I was going to tell you, I hope you worked that out; I was going to tell you I loved you too. But fate is one cruel Madame and just as I was about to say it I felt the connection disappear and I was left alone crying for you on my ship. Or so I thought. Let me tell you having a startled bride questioning you is one way to help take your mind off loss.

Soon my life returned to the monotony it had become accustomed to before I met you. But now there was something keeping me going. I knew that you loved me and that little treasure of information that I held was more powerful than any army of Daleks or Cybermen or any other foul creature that would dare disrupt the peace.

Sometimes I go back to that memorial outside the tower and sit there thinking of you. Sometimes I go so far no one quite remembers what the memorial is for, this love of ours or that we even met. I like those times the best because no one bothers me. In the first few times I'd visit it would be fairly recently after the event and the attack would still be fresh on people's minds. They'd try to cheer up the lonely man sat by the statue and try to sympathise with how much you mean to me. But they'll never know.

I've changed a lot since we parted. I no longer see my journeys as an adventure as I would with you. I've noticed the desperately fragile the world can be instead of the hidden strengths it holds.

Sometimes I feel frail as well. It's just not the same without you. You'd think that after 900 years of goodbyes that you'd develop a thinker skin but it still got to me the intense loneliness you'd left me with. But eventually the pain became a little more bearable, and I started to cherish the memories I had of you rather than the memories I would never have. I accepted the fact that you had gone but took comfort in the fact that you would always stay in my heart.

And so I got on with my life. I had other companions, other enemies, and other adventures. None of which compared to any of ours. But sometimes, when it rained, I thought back to the memorial service and recalled the lonely man in the downpour that had cried for you.

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I hoped you like it and that it does justice to the good Doctor and Rose.

I'm planning on writing a companion story only from Rose's point of view and based on another song so please let me know after reading this if you think it would be worth it.

Thanks for reading, and please review, you know the Doctor would want you to...;)

Love and hugs, Fairy-Lou xxx


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